So i'm the Hot Mess Christian. I'm the chick that looks like I have it all together but really, God has just given me so much grace that it is all that can be seen by others at time. Can you relate? Can you relate to the wanting to do what God wants, but falling short over and over again. Knowing you are a work in progress, but wondering when God is going to throw his hands up in the air and say, 'Not this one, nope I made a mistake, this Hot Mess just can't get it together.' I'm so thankful that he doesn't say that. I'm so thankful that he sees our heart and gives grace so much so that it looks like we have it together, but really if they saw the real Hot Mess.. you know what I'm taking about. The times you are trying but just can't get it. The times when you just flat out tell God, No. The times where you do the thing that you know God has told you not to, not because you are confused, but because you for some reason think that you have 'got this.' Oh, so you have done it to... well welcome my fellow Hot Mess Christian. I get you, I see you, and I understand.
But what happens when we truly say yes, when we stop playing with God and we just say YES? That is what I have been working on. Doing it the first time, just know and understanding that God has got me and just doing his will. I would love to say, that I have this thing down and I'm no longer a Hot Mess Christian and that God has offered me a job in the most Holiest of Holy's but nope.. I'm still a Hot Mess, but I'm working on being more like Christ. Some days I do well, I do all the things that God tells me to do, I say my prayers and I thank God and I listen when I need to and I live Interrupted and at the end of the day, I feel good. I feel like I'm in the running for that job that I'm getting a call back. But then there are other days, the days when I wake up and think ok God I know you got plans but today, I'm feeling cheesecake and coffee and that is it. The days when a friend reaches out and you know that God is telling you to pick up that phone, but you don't. The days when you see someone having a bad day and God says to you to check on them and you just wave and walk off quickly. Because your show is about to come on and if you sit and talk to her you will be there all night, and Lord you know she can talk forever. Yea, still got a little Hot Mess in me, but he's not finish with me yet.
For the last few years I've prayed for a word for God, when I first started doing this I got a word, the next year I got a word and a song. The year after that I got a word, song, and verses. This year the word came to me in a way that it hadn't ever before it came to me through a verse.
Ephesians 1:4-5 "For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will."
2018 Word: Predestined
This both made me excited and scared the mess out of me. I usually post on my word, and song, but I don't usually go into much detail. This year I decided to, I was 15 when God gave had someone speak some things over my life. I was young at the time, and didn't really understand it, but there have been times that God has brought it back to me. Some of it I see very clearly now, but some of it has yet to come to past and I've questioned it. Even when there were things that God spoke directly to me that lined up with it, I've questioned. When God gave me this verse and word for this year, that day came to my mind. I could even picture myself standing there at the age of 15, looking at this man who didn't know me tell me things. I felt that there was something to his words, but I didn't completely understand. About three years ago I found the original tape that it was recorded on it was during a church sermon. I had throw the tape somewhere and out of the blue there it was, it was at a time I had so many questions for God and wasn't sure what to do. Now if you didn't notice I said tape, as in cassette tape, if you are old even you know what I'm talking about. So now with a show of hands how many of you still own a cassette tape player?? Well, guess who did.. this Hot Mess, my mom had given me hers to use in one of my treatment rooms at the Spa I owned before I moved here and I still had it. Now the only problem was it in this four hours of tape, I was looking for 30 secs of it. It took me some time but I found it, and chills came over me as I listened to those words I heard so long ago. January 31, 1995, so now some of you are trying to figure out my age by doing the math. Go ahead, I'll wait... In that moment I knew that God wasn't finished, he hadn't given up, he went back through time and pulled up something that I could hold on to, something to keep me going. So now, my year holds the word, predestined.
In 2015, God gave me a verse that I've carried with me and thinking back on that verse today with what I have for this year it makes me smile and give me encouragement
Luke 1:45, "Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished!"
This is what Elizabeth said to Mary, when she was pregnant with Jesus. Mary the mother of Jesus, she was young and unqualified, but she said yes. She believed and said yes, she trusted God and said yes. She didn't let the Hot Mess take over, she accepted the Job.
I may not always feel ready, but I'm willing. I may have days where my Hot Mess shows, but I'm willing. I may not be qualified, but I'm willing to do what I'm predestined to do. I really don't know what the next step is, I'm just doing what I know for sure God has told me to do. Thankfully God gave me one last verse for this year. I'm hold this one close and looking into it deeper. It is one of those verse you know for sure that you are sure came from God, because there is no way on God's green earth that you would think this one up yourself, because it is in that book in the bible that you didn't even know was in the bible. Don't act so holy, you know what I'm talking about.
Habakkuk 2:2-3 "The the Lord replied: "Write down the revelation and make it plain on tablets so that the herald may run with it. For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay."
For years I've written down things that I thought God was telling me, I've recently pulled some out and read, some I've seen happen, and some I haven't, but I will wait for it's appointed time.
So here I am still a little bit of a Hot Mess Christian, trying my best. I've accepted my job it is not in the Holiest of Holy's but it is an intern position in the 'He's Not Finish With You Yet' Academy. I'm excited for this year and I'm ready to see what's next.